As my son grows into his own, i am confronted with tantrums, stubborn screams, dramatic refusals and a whole lot of drama. But that is only one aspect of it. There is an equally elevated level of love, tenderness and affection all in a span of a few minutes!Sometime i feel it might be the beginning of a bipolar disorder for me. So, for my own sanity, i thought one day to take a step back and see what is really going on.
This is what i learnt:
1. He is an individual. This is a HUGE learning because all this while i wanted him to behave the way I wanted him to be. Why should he? He has a sharp mind. Has likes and dislikes like any one of us. He prefers to play with our shoes than his toys. it's HIS choice. Accept it. When i started giving in to these silly playthings, i realised that he was at the shoe game for a whole 5 mins then moving on to banging the spoon game or just plain distracted by a colourful balloon. What it saved me was a whole lot of back and forth screaming and preserving my sanity a little longer. Banging on the glass table is still off limits, FYI.
2. He has the right to choose how affectionate he wants to be with extended family and friends. OK, so just because i am close to a cousin, does not mean he has to be as well. If he does not want to Hi five my cousin, then so be it! I am not close to a lot of people and if you would force me to hi five them i would give you a look that could drain all your blood out! Then why do i expect him to share the affection that i share with another individual? He can take his time to know people better and trust them before giving out hugs and kisses. And anyway, for the kind of world we live in, i think its better off for my son to not go around kissing.. even the flying one.
3. PATIENCE: This has to be learning number 1. Every-time i want him to hurry up, only because the world expects it.. i have to consciously remind me to slow down. Like, when he would not crawl for a very long time, i did meet with some snide remarks and lots of free advice. It does get to you, to think your child is not upto mark. Thankfully, my husband was least bit affected and would only tell,'He will when he is ready'. it's true.. so true..because when he started, he would just not stop! like the little jerry mouse going all around the house, nibbling every little thing that crosses his path..would not stop even for a bit, not even to change the diapers..sweet misery! It all gets repeated again when the nosy relatives show their disappointment that my son does not walk on his own yet.. I smile..knowing very well that it's just the lull before the storm hits.
4. He is learning about this world. I know how to walk, climb, eat with my hands, wear my shoes not because i am a genius but i had my parents teach me all that. And i forget that climbing up a step is a learning that he has to go through. I was such a fool for him 'to know' how to climb up an uneven path..he stood there not taking a step forward because he could not balance himself up the incline..and i wondered for a fraction of a second what happened. Dumb mommy moment.. but the fun of it was that as soon as i took him up the incline he loved it so much that for the next 2 minutes we were going up and down the bumpy road! It's amazing to watch him build his confidence and enjoy the basic things in life that i had long forgotten. It is a humbling moment.
5. Living in the moment: The minute you stop worrying about the milk that got spilled, the food that got burned, the bread crumbs on the floor, the nappy that needs cleaning, the clothes he pulled out of the closet and is sweeping the floor with and just look at him, you will smile.. with joy.. with love.. with the realization that this is the moment that memories are made of. that you will not get this day again.this time again..EVERYTHING ELSE CAN WAIT.
This is what i learnt:
1. He is an individual. This is a HUGE learning because all this while i wanted him to behave the way I wanted him to be. Why should he? He has a sharp mind. Has likes and dislikes like any one of us. He prefers to play with our shoes than his toys. it's HIS choice. Accept it. When i started giving in to these silly playthings, i realised that he was at the shoe game for a whole 5 mins then moving on to banging the spoon game or just plain distracted by a colourful balloon. What it saved me was a whole lot of back and forth screaming and preserving my sanity a little longer. Banging on the glass table is still off limits, FYI.
2. He has the right to choose how affectionate he wants to be with extended family and friends. OK, so just because i am close to a cousin, does not mean he has to be as well. If he does not want to Hi five my cousin, then so be it! I am not close to a lot of people and if you would force me to hi five them i would give you a look that could drain all your blood out! Then why do i expect him to share the affection that i share with another individual? He can take his time to know people better and trust them before giving out hugs and kisses. And anyway, for the kind of world we live in, i think its better off for my son to not go around kissing.. even the flying one.
3. PATIENCE: This has to be learning number 1. Every-time i want him to hurry up, only because the world expects it.. i have to consciously remind me to slow down. Like, when he would not crawl for a very long time, i did meet with some snide remarks and lots of free advice. It does get to you, to think your child is not upto mark. Thankfully, my husband was least bit affected and would only tell,'He will when he is ready'. it's true.. so true..because when he started, he would just not stop! like the little jerry mouse going all around the house, nibbling every little thing that crosses his path..would not stop even for a bit, not even to change the diapers..sweet misery! It all gets repeated again when the nosy relatives show their disappointment that my son does not walk on his own yet.. I smile..knowing very well that it's just the lull before the storm hits.
4. He is learning about this world. I know how to walk, climb, eat with my hands, wear my shoes not because i am a genius but i had my parents teach me all that. And i forget that climbing up a step is a learning that he has to go through. I was such a fool for him 'to know' how to climb up an uneven path..he stood there not taking a step forward because he could not balance himself up the incline..and i wondered for a fraction of a second what happened. Dumb mommy moment.. but the fun of it was that as soon as i took him up the incline he loved it so much that for the next 2 minutes we were going up and down the bumpy road! It's amazing to watch him build his confidence and enjoy the basic things in life that i had long forgotten. It is a humbling moment.
5. Living in the moment: The minute you stop worrying about the milk that got spilled, the food that got burned, the bread crumbs on the floor, the nappy that needs cleaning, the clothes he pulled out of the closet and is sweeping the floor with and just look at him, you will smile.. with joy.. with love.. with the realization that this is the moment that memories are made of. that you will not get this day again.this time again..EVERYTHING ELSE CAN WAIT.
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